The Sopranos - “Fuck you Santa!”
“Ho-fucking-ho,” says Christopher, summarizing the push-pull hustle and bustle of the season of strong-armed sentimentality. One of the funniest installments of one of the funniest seasons of The Sopranos opens with Tony stalking an empty Asbury Park boardwalk, haunted, like all of us who have had to murder our best friend for being a rat, by ghosts of Christmas past. But most of the episode is really a pitch-black comedy tour of north Jersey holiday angst, or, as Dr. Melfi calls it, “Stress-mas.” Tony tells It’s A Wonderful Life “enough already;” Bobby is told “you’re Santa, so shut the fuck up about it;” Janice struggles in a Carlo Rossi-fueled Christian contemporary songwriting sesh, despite encouragement from narcoleptic Aaron (“it’s a great mother-jumping lyric”). We get the backstory of the pork store becoming the family clubhouse: Old man Satriale put a bullet in his own head after a bust-out. There was a lot of sadness on the block, yet, it was “nothing a Christmas ham couldn’t fix.”
But lingering dread is mostly bestowed by the looming shadow of Big Pussy—excellent Santa, bad friend. We see him in flashbacks and feel his unholy ghost in the hilariously chilling callback provided by a Meadow-gifted Big Mouth Billy Bass. It’s a writerly metaphor for seasonal pangs of nostalgia and a sendup of how we enter this strange, forced year-end reckoning that that jolly home invader brings about every December. Maybe Paulie Walnuts, giving us a modern update on “humbug,” says it best: “In the end, fuck Santa Claus.” [Todd Lazarski]