Hayao Miyazaki movies, ranked from “nice and chill” to “this will ruin your day”

What is it? In My Neighbor Totoro, two young girls, Satsuki and Mei, and their father move to a new house by a forest so they can be closer to the hospital where their mother is undergoing treatment for a long illness. The girls eventually (seriously, like halfway through the film) befriend a group of forest spirits, including a giant cuddly guy they call Totoro.

What’s the cutest little thing? All of the forest spirits are the cutest little guys in the history of cute little guys, especially the main big Totoro (even though he’s huge).

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? There’s a moment where it seems like the girls’ mother has taken a turn for the worse, and there’s some tension when the girls have a fight and Mei goes missing, but Totoro would never let anything bad happen to anyone ever (and it’s rendered as a very realistic argument between sisters).

What is it? In Ponyo, a tiny fish-girl meets a kind land-boy named Sōsuke. Thinking she’s a goldfish, Sōsuke names her Ponyo and tries taking care of her … without realizing that her father is a weird wizard who hates land-people. Touched by Sōsuke’s kindness, Ponyo declares that she loves him and uses her father’s magic to become a human so she can live on land.

What’s the cutest little thing? Ponyo herself, by a mile (especially in her half-human, half-fish form). Ponyo loves Sōsuke, Ponyo loves ham, everyone loves Ponyo.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? Sōsuke’s father, Kōichi, is a fisherman who leaves his family for long periods of time. Early in the film, he notifies Sōsuke and his mother, Lisa, that he won’t be able to make it home as promised, and a distraught Lisa—after cursing Kōichi out with a signal lamp—has a bit of a breakdown. Sōsuke is then forced to comfort his mother, sadly forcing some maturity onto the boy who otherwise seems as happy-go-lucky as a boy could be.

What is it? In The Castle Of Cagliostro, Lupin III, legendary gentleman thief, has just successfully robbed a casino with his comrade Daisuke Jigen, only to realize that all of the money is counterfeit. Along with their third friend, the samurai Goemon Ishikawa XIII, they investigate the source of the fakes: a tiny country called Cagliostro, run by a power-hungry count trying to force a woman to marry him so he can get access to an ancient treasure.

What’s the cutest little thing? There aren’t really cute little guys in Castle Of Cagliostro, beyond Lupin himself (the dog that he is), so the cutest little thing must be Lupin’s iconic yellow Fiat 500.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? The movie is a front-to-back joy, with a host of classic Lupin shenanigans, but one could argue that the ending stings: Having saved Clarisse—the poor woman forcibly betrothed to the count—from her fate, Lupin rejects her request to become a thief and join him on his adventures. As fun as it has all been, Lupin knows that he lives a bad life and he can’t bring an innocent person into it.

What is it? In Porco Rosso, a World War I veteran and ace bounty hunter pilot named Porco Rosso (who happens to be an anthropomorphic pig) dodges Italy’s new fascist government and battles both sky pirates and rival pilots.

What’s the cutest little thing? Porco is the world’s best and most huggable friend (it helps that he’s played by Michael Keaton in the English dub), but the grungy, wackadoo sky pirates are all disarmingly delightful.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? While preparing for a duel against an American rival, Porco tells his young new assistant Fio a story about losing all of his friends in World War I, and for one brief moment she can see his real, human face—perhaps implying that it’s not the world that made him a pig, but his own sadness and regrets.

What is it? In Castle In The Sky, a girl named Sheeta, kidnapped by government agents, falls from an airship and is saved by her seemingly magical crystal necklace—and a young boy named Pazu, whose father was a pilot who believed he once saw the mystical flying city of Laputa (which Sheeta’s ancestors happen to be from). Together, they try to find a way to Laputa while dodging a power-hungry government agent named Muska.

What’s the cutest little thing? They’re big and nice more than cute and little, but the winner is the friendly steampunk-y robots who come from Laputa (particularly the one guy who still cares for the now-abandoned city).

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? Though it doesn’t hurt like some others on the list, the ultimate destruction of Laputa—which Sheeta and Pazu have to do to protect its power from falling into the wrong hands—is a tragic loss of ancient knowledge and history. Also, Muska dies, but he sucks.

What is it? Howl’s Moving Castle, set in a world on the brink of civil war, follows a reserved and self-sufficient girl named Sophie, who inadvertently crosses paths with a charming wizard named Howl. A woman jealous of Howl’s power named The Witch Of The Waste curses Sophie by turning her into an elderly woman. Knowing that Howl is the only one who can help her (though she quickly begins to appreciate the lifestyle of a 90-year-old woman), she leaves home and tries to find his famous moving castle.

What’s the cutest little thing? A tiny fire demon named Calcifer, played by Billy Crystal in the English dub (imagine Mike Wazowksi but more of a neurotic jerk), who is both Howl’s reluctant servant and equally reluctant best friend. He’s a top tier cute little guy. He’s on cute little Mount Rushmore.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? Howl’s Moving Castle has more moments of quiet awe than emotional devastation, even when difficult things happen to its main cast, but there are some harrowing war sequences, and some unsettling “ra ra patriotism!” moments that are consciously uncomfortable paired with the lighthearted fantasy fun within the walls of the castle.

What is it? In Kiki’s Delivery Service, a young witch named Kiki leaves home to try and start her own life upon turning 13. She starts a magical delivery service, but her esteem—and her magic—take a hit when she begins to lose confidence in herself.

What’s the cutest little thing? Kiki’s talking cat Jiji, who is a lovably sarcastic little dude voiced by Phil Hartman in the English dub.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? Kiki loses her magic, including her ability to talk to Jiji, as she loses confidence in her ability to handle a life on her own. As she grows as a person, she regains her powers … but she can never hear Jiji speak again. It’s a coming-of-age thing, sure, but it’s terribly heartbreaking for a cat lover.

What is it? In Spirited Away, a young girl named Chihiro stumbles onto an abandoned amusement park with her parents, who greedily begin to eat a bunch of food that turns them into pigs. As night falls, the amusement park becomes a bathhouse for spirits and Chihiro gets trapped. Forced to take a job in order to survive, Chihiro must mature and grow to accept the people and things around her to rescue her parents.

What’s the cutest little thing? The Soot Sprites, little dust balls with arms and legs, are great (and they appear in My Neighbor Totoro), but we have to give it up for the witch Yubaba’s giant baby Boh—once he gets turned into a very fun mouse, at least.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? The movie is about growth and change and learning not to fear them, so it naturally becomes less traumatic as it goes on. But the initial horror of seeing Chihiro’s parents begin to lose their humanity as they devour all of the spirit food and completely turn into pigs is still hard to take.

What is it? Nausicaä Of The Valley Of The Wind is set in a post-apocalyptic world that was devastated by an ancient war and rendered largely uninhabitable because of a gigantic poisonous jungle full of mutant bugs. A girl named Nausicaä discovers that it is possible to grow healthy plants and find clean water—though a kingdom called Tolmekia wants to burn down the jungle and kill all the bugs using the same genocidal weapons as their ancestors—specifically a humanoid monster called the Giant Warrior.

What’s the cutest little thing? Nausicaä has a couple of animal friends, but the best one is something called a fox squirrel named Teto. The fox squirrel is so cute that a bunch of them even have cameos in other Studio Ghibli films.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? Nausicaä’s near death at the end of the movie is tough, and the many mutant bugs aren’t totally pleasant, but the film’s most horrific sequence is the birth of the Giant Warrior. Rendered with unsettling realism (and animated by Miyazaki protégée and Neon Genesis Evangelion creator Hideaki Anno), the creature comes to life and then rapidly rots away in one of the most grotesque sequences ever committed to animation.

What is it? In Princess Mononoke a boy named Ashitaka is cursed by a rampaging boar god that has been corrupted by unnatural evil, and he must leave his village in search of a cure. Ashitaka finds San, a girl raised by wolves in the forest who is waging a campaign against a group of humans threatening to destroy the forest so they can loot its resources.

What’s the cutest little thing? The Kodama are great little guys, with their funny faces and the jingling noises they make, but we’ve gotta give it to Ashitaka’s loyal elk/deer thing Yakul. A total bro.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? There are loads, including the prolonged death of the Forest Spirit, but the worst is most likely the murder of the boar god Okkoto. Rendered sick and blind by his curse, he tragically fails to recognize when his boar friends are replaced by disguised humans who force him to become a demon.

What is it? The Wind Rises is an almost entirely fictionalized biopic about Jiro Horikoshi, the man who designed the deadly Zero fighter plane that the Japanese military used in World War II. Over the course of his life, Jiro’s dream of designing a beautiful aircraft gets complicated by the demands of his government, all as he falls deeply in love with a woman who happens to have tuberculosis (an affliction Miyazaki’s own mother suffered from).

What’s the cutest little thing? There are very few cute little guys in wartime Japan, but the love story is sweet … while also being unbelievably tragic.

What’s the most emotionally devastating part? The entire movie is heartrending, particularly for anyone who has ever had a dream, or been in love, or … cared about anything. It’s a story where everything gets compromised and everyone suffers at least a little bit, leaving the viewer to question whether or not the pain of the journey is worth it for the destination. It ends on a hopeful note, but pointedly not one that makes anything easier for anyone. You make your airplane, it becomes associated with nothing but killing, and the love of your life dies alone and far away. It’s then up to you to determine whether or not that’s a point to life.