Some tragic news from Kevin Hart today: He ran so fast that his legs exploded and he died. Well, he didn’t die, but he did hurt himself so bad that he can’t walk and he has to use a wheelchair for a while. According to The Los Angeles Times, he actually “tore his lower abdomen and adductor,” which are “the group of hip and leg muscles that help leg movement and steady the trunk,” but that’s just a fancy way of saying that his legs exploded. Blood and bones everywhere. Now he has to use a wheelchair until they grow back.
Hart explained what happened in an Instagram video that—whether he intended this or not—is actually very funny, but the short version is that Hart mistakenly thought he could run really fast, when in reality he is actually a 44-year-old man. Apparently he was trying to prove that he could run faster than former NFL player Stevan Ridley, who is a decade younger than he is, all so he could win the title of “fastest… at the barbecue?” (as he puts it in his video), which he now deems the “stupidest shit ever.”
Hart claims he is now the “stupidest man alive,” adding, “I blew all my shit” and that he won’t be able to walk for “six to eight” weeks. He seems pretty upset about it in the video, which, of course, makes it so much funnier. Ah, to be young and capable of running! Nothing like this will ever happen to us, comrades! We will be young forever, with the abdomens and adductors of Greek gods, allowing us to run joyously through the eternal fields of youth until the sun itself explodes like Kevin Hart’s legs.
Anyway, Dwayne Johnson said in the comments of Hart’s video that he once tore his adductor “off” his pelvis while wrestling (“True story.”), and he says Hart will be “fine.” That’s assuming Kevin Hart is as strong as The Rock was while he was wrestling… which he probably is, right? He’s not as good at running as a retired NFL player, but that probably doesn’t mean anything.